


Dust is Down and Shadows Burn

by mistermistyeyed



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Cuddling & Snuggling, Embarrassed Kageyama Tobio, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Panic Attacks, Phobias, hinata is a great person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:10:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9444851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistermistyeyed/pseuds/mistermistyeyed
Summary: When Kageyama is forced to face his phobia, Hinata is there to help him through it.





	

Kageyama let out a long-suffering sigh, falling back on his bed to stare at the ceiling. Hinata had gone to the bathroom, and the setter was more than grateful for the break from studying. Homographs and homonyms were swirling in his head, and Kageyama desperately wished he could go back in time and punch whoever invented the English language in the face.

The fact that the sentence, "Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present," was actually grammatically correct was making his head spin, and Hinata wasn't much help. Yachi was supposed to come over too, in an attempt to keep the first year duo from failing their tests again, but a sudden, raging storm had hit. The day darkened as thunder rumbled in the sky and rain pelted the ground in droves, the insanely high winds taking down trees and making it treacherous to go outside. Kageyama was already planning on making Hinata stay the night since the storm showed no signs of dying down.

It was already late, so Kageyama hoisted himself up to set up a cot for Hinata. His parents were away on business for the week, so he didn't even need to get their permission to have a friend sleep over, and there was no way in hell he was letting the small spiker try to get home in the howling winds, no matter what dumbass protests Hinata might come up with.

He had just opened his drawer to find some spare sheets when a particularly strong gust of wind whistled by, accompanied by the ominous cracking of a falling tree. Kageyama barely registered the sound of the tree's impact with the ground, though, because at that moment, the lights in his room flickered out, and the only thing his mind could comprehend was the utter, oppressive blackness that his bedroom was plunged into.  

He didn't even make the conscious decision to sink down to the floor and draw his knees to his chest, focused only on the way the sudden darkness seemed to press down on his chest, forcing his breaths to come out short and shallow. His mind was plunged back into memories of that time, where the shadows had been suffocating and unavoidable and _inescapable._

He didn't even hear Hinata re-enter the room, only made aware of his presence when the small spiker tripped over him and was sent sprawling to the ground with a soft 'oomph.' The collision hurt, and Kageyama should probably be yelling at him for it, but he couldn't when the darkness was causing his chest to constrict painfully.

"Oi, Bakageyama! You could have warned me that you were sitting in the middle of the floor when I called your name!" Hinata rambled, rubbing his shoulder where it had made impact with the floor. He was expecting some retort punctuated by the usual dumbass or moron, but all he heard when he strained his ears were slightly wheezing breaths.

Hinata reached out blindly, and Kageyama flinched violently when his hand wrapped around his arm. "...Kageyama? What's wrong?"

Kageyama squeezed himself into a tighter ball, chest heaving as he began to hyperventilate. He knew, logically, he _always_ knew, that the room was the same as it had been moments ago in the light, but logic didn't matter. It didn't change the invading panic and irrational belief that the walls were somehow closing in, so that the room was as small and _constricting_ as it had been that time.

"...d-dark. Can't b-breathe," he stuttered out, voice trembling and just wanting it all to _stop_.

He heard fabric rustle as Hinata scooted closer, and suddenly there was a hand rubbing his back in soothing motions. He grabbed one of Kageyama's hands where it was clenched around his knees and slowly brought it to his own chest, thumb gently caressing his wrist where he could feel the setter's racing pulse. "You _can_ breathe, just like me, you see? Copy my breathing, take deep breaths, alright?"

Kageyama attempted to take some deep, albeit shaky breaths, ignoring the tight feeling in his chest. He tried to follow the rhythm Hinata had set, though his breaths still came in sharp pants that were too fast. Regardless, Hinata mumbled, "That's it, you're doing good."

Kageyama trembled, familiar feelings of helplessness and terror invading his mind as the unrelenting darkness brought him back to that day. He had been blind in the oppressive shadows, with no savior in sight. Except, Kageyama's mind supplied him with one major difference between that day and this one. The gentle hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and the steady rise and fall he could feel under his palm. Then, he was alone, but now, he was not.

That realization was all it took to send Kageyama flying into Hinata's arms. The redhead was startled, and the two of them were almost sent toppling backwards into the carpet with the sudden momentum. But, Hinata regained his balance quickly, and he wrapped his arms around the setter, shifting them into a more comfortable position with him leaning against the dresser and Kageyama's lanky frame basically piled on his lap as he squeezed Hinata for all it was worth. However, the small spiker simply continued his ministrations, not commenting when he felt his t-shirt dampen with tears.

Kageyama listened to the calming heartbeat under his ear, mentally mapping out the gentle pattern Hinata's hand was tracing on his back as a form of distraction. Hinata was mumbling soft encouragements, and Kageyama focused less on the actual words and more on the gentle rumble of his chest. Eventually, after what felt like a century, Kageyama's hold on the small spiker reduced his sharp pants to shaky breaths, and his trembling lessened. Hinata shifted so that one hand gently carded through his hair, while the other stayed securely wrapped around his back. 

"It's the dark?" Hinata asked quietly.

Kageyama nodded, knowing Hinata would feel it against his chest. He didn't trust his voice to not waver or stutter.

"Okay. Maybe I can go find one of your flashlights or a candle or something..."

Hinata shifted as if to get up, and Kageyama's hold tightened, a panicked "No!" escaping his lips before he even had time to think. Hinata was the only thing keeping him grounded to reality and preventing him from plunging into his memories, and even the thought of Hinata leaving him alone in the dark again caused his breath to hitch once more. He had never had someone to help him through one of his episodes or _whatever_ they were, and now that he did, he was terrified to let go.

"Okay, don't worry, I won't leave. Lemme just..." Kageyama felt Hinata reach up and heard him patting the dresser above them a few times before his hand collided with an object, a triumphant noise leaving his lips. Kageyama was left in confusion for a few moments, until the room was suddenly lit dimly, momentarily blinding him. He squinted and realized that the dim light was coming from Hinata's cellphone. He could see Hinata's pleased smile in the phone's blue hue.

With the room no longer in total darkness, Kageyama felt a weight lift off of his chest, and he could finally breathe normally again. Unfortunately, without pure panic and terror fogging his brain, Kageyama was abruptly aware of what an awkward position he was in, clinging to Hinata as if he were a teddy bear and practically sitting in the smaller teen's _lap._

Kageyama quickly scrambled off, moving to lean against the dresser next to Hinata. His face was flushed with embarrassment, but he was still unwilling go without physical contact, despite the cellphone light, so he made sure to keep their shoulders pressed against each other. 

Hinata didn't comment on his sudden actions, and this only made Kageyama more anxious. He could imagine all of the judgements racing through the silent redhead's mind, and the need to explain his behavior became overwhelming.

"I'm not just, like, pathetic or something. I mean, I have a reason. When I was ten, my parents went on a business trip for two days. After they left, I went into their room and was playing in their cupboard. I went in and the door shut, and I didn't realize that it locks from the outside. It was my fault, really, I shouldn't have been playing in there, but it was small and so dark and I couldn't get out and two days felt like two _years_ and I was so scared-"

Hinata suddenly grabbed his hand, and it wasn't until the unexpected contact that Kageyama realized that he had been rambling and his breathing had been rapidly increasing as his story went on. Hinata gently stoked his hand with his thumb as his breathing gradually returned to normal.

After a moment, Hinata spoke, to Kageyama's relief. "First of all, Bakageyama, you'd never have to justify something like this to me. And if you call yourself pathetic one more time, I'll serve to the back of your head again at our next practice match." Hinata paused, before asking in a softer voice, "You were in there for two days?"

Kageyama's grip on Hinata's hand tightened. "...yeah, but it was really my own fault. I shouldn't have been playing in there in the first place."

Hinata huffed. " _No,_ it was your parents' fault for leaving a ten year old home alone for two days."

Kageyama just shrugged. He wasn't really in the mood to argue with the immovable force that was Hinata, and his parents' extended absences had always been a particularly sore subject. Instead, he tried to change the topic. "So, uh... where did you learn how to do that? All of that... stuff, I mean." Real smooth, he mentally berated himself, cursing his inherent lack of social tact. But, this time Hinata was merciful enough to not point out Kageyama's social awkwardness, as he usually did, and for that, Kageyama was grateful.

Instead of making fun of him, Hinata smiled at him in the low light. "Kenma has panic attacks sometimes, so when we started hanging out, Kuroo taught me how to help him if he ever got one when we were together. Kuroo says that it's still scary for the person, but it always helps to have someone who knows what they're doing."

Kageyama furrowed his brow. "But I don't have panic attacks."

Hinata gave him an incredulous look. "That argument would be a lot more effective if the last twenty minutes didn't happen. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Kageyama tilted his head, his expression holding no defensiveness, only confusion. "But I... is that what a panic attack is? I never knew what they were, I just sort of... put up with them."

Hinata looked at him with wide eyes. "You mean you never knew what was happening? But, your parents must've taken you to a doctor or something. They didn't tell you what it was?"

Kageyama avoided Hinata's intense gaze. "...I never told them. I'm pretty good at avoiding the dark, so you're the first person who's actually been there when I've gotten one."

Hinata made a distressed noise. "So you've never had someone there to help you through it? Why didn't you tell your parents?"

Kageyama ignored the first question, since the answer was already obvious. He probably would have made a sarcastic remark if he didn't feel like shit. "I only get to see them a few times a month. I didn't want to waste those few days with my stupid problems and doctor visits, y'know? It' not a big deal, anyway."

Kageyama finally looked up and scowled when he saw that Hinata was giving him a pitying look. "Oi, stop looking at me like I'm a kicked puppy!" he spat.

Hinata tackled him in a hug, much like Kageyama had done to him. "I will once you stop looking like a kicked puppy! And your problems are not stupid! You should've had someone to help you through it all these years! It must have been so scary, not even knowing what was happening!"

Kageyama tried to push him off, but Hinata showed surprising strength. "Stop being so sappy! Don't make a big deal out of nothing, you moron!"

"You're the moron if you don't think this is a big deal! You should have had someone to help you! But don't worry, Bakageyama, _I'll_ be the one that helps you now!" Hinata gushed, rubbing his face against Kageyama's, almost like a cat would.

"Oh, that'll be great," Kageyama hissed, but it didn't have any of the sarcasm he had intended to inject.

Suddenly, the lights in the room flicked back on, causing the two to be blinded by the unexpected brightness. Kageyama blinked rapidly, eyes adjusting to the light. Without the residual stress of the dark, he realized how exhausted he was from his... panic attack. It felt weird to actually have a name for them, but it was also undeniably reassuring to actually know what the hell they were. He began to get up with a heavy sigh, and Hinata reluctantly released him from his bone-crushing hug.

"I don't know about you, dumbass, but I'm tired," he grumbled, plopping down in his bed without even dimming the light. Hinata had the grace to not mention it. Kageyama ran a weary hand down his face, climbing under the blankets and watching Hinata retrieve the abandoned sheets he had been getting before the power went out.

Kageyama closed his eyes, and he immediately felt his breathing hitch once more. His phobia usually wasn't _this_ extreme, but after a panic attack, even the darkness met by closing his eyes caused anxiety. On most days when this happened, he'd be forced to pull an all-nighter, despite his exhaustion.

But tonight, he realized that didn't have to be the case, and he was ashamed to admit to himself that he was still craving comfort. Knowing now what it felt like to have support, he didn't think he could go back to dealing with it on his own. He looked over to where Hinata was setting up the cot and decided that with all of the embarrassing things he'd done today, one more humiliating act wouldn't really make a difference. Plus, he was _really_ tired.

"Uh, Hinata..." he mumbled awkwardly. "Would you mind..." Instead of finishing the request, he simply raised the blanket open in an invitation, avoiding the redhead's eyes as a deep blush spread across his cheeks. Thankfully, Hinata understood, and he simply beamed before jumping into the bed, curling up against Kageyama like a human octopus.

Kageyama would have liked to halfheartedly complain to keep up appearances, but usual pretenses were way out of the window at that point, and the relief of being able to close his eyes without feeling encroaching panic was too great. Also, having Hinata's warm, solid weight pressed against him sent his heart pounding for reasons other than panic, but he decided to embrace it for the moment instead analyzing it. Judging by the soft blush that dusted Hinata's cheeks, Kageyama guessed he felt the same, and that's all he needed to know.

So, instead of dwelling on the lingering feelings of inadequacy, he decided to simply enjoy the comfort Hinata was willing to give him. He closed he eyes and slung an arm around the smaller teen, pulling him closer.

He fell asleep within minutes in his brightly lit room, enveloped in Hinata's warmth and ignoring the embarrassment he was sure to feel in the morning.

* * *

A few weeks later, the team was on their way home from a practice game on a dark, moonless night. Halfway back to the school, the engine began to make foreboding clanking noises, and sure enough, it completely stopped working half an hour later. Tanaka and Noya freaked out slightly because they were going to miss their favorite show, but Kageyama was much less concerned with the delayed arrival time and much more concerned with the way both the headlights and the overhead lights inside the bus had turned off. The team was in total darkness while they waited on the side of the road for a new bus.

Kageyama felt his heartrate immediately pick up when he was closed in by the oppressive darkness, and he was already thinking about how Tsukishima would never let him live it down when he found out he was _scared of the dark_.

However, seconds after the lights went out, their seat was already lit up again by a familiar blue light. Kageyama glanced over to see Hinata already holding up his cellphone and wearing a reassuring smile. He grabbed Kageyama's clenched fist and gently unfurled his fingers so he could slot his own hand into Kageyama's. He squeezed reassuringly, his thumb rubbing in slow, soothing circles.

He chattered about nonsense while tracing random patterns on the back of Kageyama's hand, making sure to keep the two of them illuminated by his phone's light the whole time. Throughout the hour wait for a new bus, Kageyama's breathing was steady, and his shaking was barely noticeable.

Kuroo was right. It always helps to have someone who knows what they're doing.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first Haikyuu story, so any feedback is greatly appreciated(:


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